Culture Shock has an enantiomer.

I'm sitting here in the lobby of the Kempinski now, awaiting my taxi to Nyerere International Airport. In less than 4 hours, I will begin my long journey home. I will get to see loved ones, particularly Steph, and hopefully my parents, close friends who have been supportive over the past several weeks both via chat, email, and this blog, and many co-workers who I have missed. I hope to enjoy steak again, and drink beer so dark and rich that it absorbs light (Goose Island Bourbon County Stout, I'm coming for you!). There are bills to pay, bachelor's parties to attend, apartments to find in Philadelphia, and weddings to look forward to.

So why am I feeling so internally conflicted right now about all of this?

Something profound happened as I walked into this hotel yesterday afternoon. I had been expecting to walk in and feel as if I had stepped back into a little piece of my world here in Dar. Instead, I felt quite alienated by it all. It felt so unusual to hear people speaking english around me. I tried to greet people in Kiswahili, and they uniformly replied in English. I had to wait in a small lounge area, and I was put aback by how clean and polished everything looked, how well-kept everyone sitting there was (esp. knowing how scruffy I had become); this rather cosmopolitan setting, from which I had come just 6 weeks ago, was now quite foreign and uncomfortable for me. I stared at the menu... can I eat pork here, is it safe? WHY does this sandwich cost 9,000Tsh? How is that just? 6000 Tsh to print out a single page flight itinerary? 30,000 Tsh for dinner? These sorts of costs, which had certainly not bothered me on my trip here, now seemed completely outlandish.

This all troubles me deeply. How much has changed inside me during this short period of time? If I react this way to the Kempinski, how am I going to respond to Manhattan? How am I going to interact with friends? Many of them have traveled before; Have they experienced this "reverse culture shock" before, or will they think I have lost my wits whilst in Africa?

For now, I will focus on seeing Stephanie on Thursday morning to guide me through.  I fear though, that as my friend Dan had predicted, I really may not see things in the same light as when I had left, and that this feeling I am experiencing now is my brain starting to process everything that I absorbed while here.